Care Partner Resources

For Movement and Memory Disorders

IPMDC Virtual Program – Care Partner Tips and Tricks

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Monthly classes for care partners at Insight (2026)

Classes will be held on the 2nd Wednesday of each month, in person, at:
Insight’s Education and Support Center
3955 Pender Drive, Suite 100, Fairfax VA 22030

To register, please visit InsightMCC.org/Events

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Webinars from Fairfax County

Click here to check out their YouTube channel for recordings on topics such as nutrition, exercise, legal and financial planning, communication for deaf and hard of hearing, dementia, and much more!

Dr. Reedy educated caregivers about the basics of Parkinson’s disease, including its symptoms, stages, and potential progression. Participants will gain insights into what to expect at different stages of the disease and learn how to adapt their caregiving strategies accordingly.

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Shifting Gears:
How to Talk to Your Loved One…Without Stripping Away Their Dignity

One of the hardest conversations families face—whether you’re an adult child or a devoted spouse—is talking to a loved one about accepting assisstance at home. 

For decades, your parents were the ones who cared for everyone else. They cooked the meals, paid the bills, drove you to school, stayed up with you when you were sick, and solved problems before you even knew they existed. They were the protectors, the decision-makers, and the caregivers.

Then, almost without realizing it, the roles begin to change.

You notice unopened mail piling up on the counter. Your mom repeats the same story several times during dinner. Your dad seems unsteady getting out of his favorite chair. Medications are occasionally forgotten, appointments are missed, there is a fall, or you begin receiving phone calls from neighbors expressing concern.

As an adult child, you recognize these as warning signs. But to your parent, they may simply feel like normal parts of aging—or worse, reminders that they are losing the independence they have spent a lifetime building.

Suggesting in home care can therefore feel less like offering assisstance and more like challenging their identity and independence. To an aging parent, inviting a caregiver into their home isn’t simply about having another person in the house. It can feel like a loss of privacy, a loss of control, and even a loss of purpose. Many fear that accepting assisstance means admitting they can no longer manage their own lives or that others will begin making decisions for them.

That is why many older adults respond with statements such as:

• “I’m fine.”
• “I don’t need anyone taking care of me.”
• “I’m not ready for that.”
• “I can still do it myself.”

While those words may sound like stubbornness, they often reflect something much deeper. What they may really be saying is:

• “I’m afraid of losing control over my life.”
• “I don’t want to leave my home…that is next.”
• “I don’t want to become a burden to my family.”
• “I’m worried people will stop seeing me as capable.”
• “I’m afraid that once I accept assisstance, I’ll never get my independence back.”

These fears are real, and they deserve to be acknowledged rather than dismissed. Understanding the emotions behind your parent’s/spouse’s resistance can completely change the conversation. Instead of viewing in home care as something that takes independence away, families can begin to see it for what it truly is: a way to preserve independence, improve safety, and assisting loved ones remain in the comfort of their own home for as long as possible.

When the conversation begins with empathy instead of persuasion, parents are far more likely to feel respected, heard, and empowered to make decisions about their own future.

When Love Makes It Hard to See the Changes

Sometimes it isn’t the older adult who struggles to accept assisstance—it’s the spouse or adult children. When you care deeply about someone, it’s natural to want to do everything yourself. Many family caregivers make promises such as, “I’ll always take care of you,” or “I’ll never let anything happen to you.” Those promises come from a place of love, but over time they can become an overwhelming responsibility.

Changes associated with Parkinson’s disease, Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, and other age-related conditions often occur gradually, families can unintentionally lose sight of how much their loved one has changed. What began as an occasional forgotten medication or a slight loss of balance slowly becomes a pattern. The gradual decline can make today’s challenges feel “normal” simply because they have become familiar.

Many family caregivers are also influenced by feelings of fear, obligation, and guilt known as F.O.G. (a term used in psychology, caregiving, and family dynamics). They may fear that accepting professional assisstance means their loved one’s condition is worsening. They may feel obligated to keep a promise to provide all of the care themselves. And they may experience guilt, believing that asking for assisstance somehow means they have failed. In reality, the opposite is true.

Many spouses and adult children quietly sacrifice their own physical and/or mental health while trying to do everything themselves. They postpone their own medical appointments, lose sleep, stop exercising, withdraw from friends, and carry an emotional burden that few people truly understand.

Professional home care doesn’t replace the family—it strengthens the family. It provides the support, consistency, and peace of mind that allows spouses and adult children to focus on what matters most: being a husband, wife, son, or daughter again, rather than trying to be a full-time caregiver alone.

Start With Empathy, Not Persuasion

When families first notice signs that a loved one needs assistance, their instinct is often to convince them. They point out missed medications, unpaid bills, recent falls, or memory lapses, hoping that facts alone will lead to acceptance.

Unfortunately, facts rarely change emotions.

If your loved one feels that their independence is being threatened, they are likely to become defensive, no matter how logical your concerns may be. What begins as a conversation about safety can quickly become an argument about control.

Instead of trying to persuade, begin by listening.

Invite your loved one to share what they are feeling by asking open-ended questions such as:

• “What concerns you most about having someone come into your home?”
• “What would help you feel more comfortable with accepting assistance?”
• “What worries you about receiving assisstance?”
• “What would staying independent look like to you?”

Listen without interrupting or immediately offering solutions. Sometimes what your loved one needs most is the reassurance that they are still being heard and respected.

Giving your parent the opportunity to express their fears often reveals that the resistance isn’t really about having a caregiver. More often, it is about the fear of losing control, becoming a burden, or feeling that life is changing faster than they are ready to accept. When older adults feel understood rather than persuaded, they are far more likely to view home care not as the loss of independence, but as a way to protect it.

Focus on Independence, Not Dependence

When speaking with a loved one about receiving care, avoid saying:
“You can’t do this anymore.”

Instead try:
“I want to assisst you stay in your own home for as long as possible.”

Professional in home care isn’t about taking over someone’s life. It’s about providing the right amount of support so they can continue living life on their own terms. Sometimes a little assistance with meals, bathing, transportation, or housekeeping allows an older adult to remain safely at home for years longer than they otherwise could.

Make Them a Partner, Not a Patient

One of the greatest fears older adults have is losing the ability to make decisions about their own lives. Accepting assisstance should never mean surrendering their voice. Whenever possible, involve your loved one in conversations about their care. Ask what is most important to them. What routines do they want to maintain? What hobbies bring them joy? What parts of their day make them feel most like themselves?

Professional caregivers should enhance a person’s lifestyle—not replace it. Whether it’s enjoying coffee on the porch each morning, attending church, taking a daily walk, preparing a favorite family recipe together, or maintaining a beloved hobby, these routines assist in preserving identity and purpose.

At Safe and Secure Transition Home Care, we believe care should be built with the client, not simply for the client. Our caregivers learn each client’s preferences, routines, and personality so that support feels like a partnership rather than an intrusion.

When older adults feel heard, respected, and actively involved in decisions about their care, they are far more likely to embrace the assistance that allows them to remain safe, independent, and in the home they love.

Remember: Asking for Assisstance Is a Sign of Strength

Accepting assisstance doesn’t mean giving up independence—it means protecting it. It means being able to remain in the comfort of your own home, surrounded by familiar memories, treasured possessions, and the people you love, while receiving the support needed to stay safe and maintain the highest possible quality of life.

The goal of in home care is never to replace your parent’s or spouse’s abilities to do the things he/she loves. It is to preserve them for as long as possible by providing assistance where it is needed, encouraging independence where it is safe, and promoting dignity in every interaction. When approached with compassion, patience, and respect, the “role reversal” conversation becomes less about what your parent is losing and more about what they are gaining: greater safety, meaningful companionship, peace of mind, and the opportunity to continue living life on their own terms.

 Our thanks to IPMDC Annual Sponsor and Accredited Provider Safe and Secure Transition Home Care for this helpful article!

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Spousal Caregiver Support Group

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GUIDE Program

The following home care companies are approved respite care providers participating in the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services (CMS) Guiding an Improved Dementia Experience (GUIDE) Model through CMS-approved GUIDE participant organizations. Eligible individuals may qualify for up to 76 hours of in-home respite care each program year. 

They are also IPMDC Accredited Providers which means they have caregivers who have participated in IPMDC’s Professional Caregiver Certification Training:

• Synergy Home Care – Lake Ridge https://synergyhomecare.com/va-lake-ridge-22192/
• Assisting Hands https://assistinghandsarlingtonva.com/

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ElderLink

ElderLink is a nonprofit partnership between Inova Health System and the Fairfax Area Agency on Aging which aims to promote the well-being, safety, and independence of older adults and caregivers.

Navigating the world of services for older adults can be overwhelming. ElderLink can help. We listen to each situation and connect older adults and their caregivers to services that may help them meet their individual goals and needs.

The phone number is 703-324-7948.
Please leave a message and they’ll get back to you in 24 hours on business days.

Inova website: inova.org/about-inova/inova-your-community/community-access-care/elderlink or
Fairfax County website: FairfaxAAA@fairfaxcounty.gov.
fairfaxcounty.gov/familyservices/older-adults/elderlink

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Caring for You, Caring for Me

Caring for You, Caring for Me (CFYCFM) provides education and support to caregivers through a series of flexible learning modules, helping caregivers take better care of themselves, collaborate effectively with professional caregivers, and be the best advocate possible for their care recipient.

This five-part, interactive training course has been designed to help family caregivers develop skills that most benefit them, including building relationships with professional caregivers to increase cooperation, understanding and support. CFYCFM provides opportunities for learning ways to cope with the stressors of being a caregiver, accessing resources, discovering ways to work together with others to reduce frustrations and barriers in the caregiver role, sharing common concerns, and recognizing that caregivers are not alone.

This event is offered by Elderlink – Fairfax Area Agency on Aging.
CFYCFM is a free signature program of the Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregiving.